The wisdom of big feelings at work

I love all the ways that workplaces try to keep us from having really big feelings there.  It’s gone out of vogue to say things like, “check your feelings at the door.”  We’re supposed to be more sensitive and supportive now, so instead we say, “Let’s keep a level head” or “we’re going to try and stay objective about this.”

I don’t believe in objectivity, and I don’t believe in unemotional decision-making.  Emotions are part of our make up, they’re always there, and there is wisdom in our emotions.  If we’re ‘keeping a level head’, what we’re actually doing is just choosing to ignore our feelings and the information that our feelings contain. 

That being said, it is also not helpful to collapse into a puddle of emotion for an indefinite period of time.  This is always the fear, right?  That we’ll succumb to the overwhelm and anxiety of it all and just fall.the.fuck.apart.  In fact, we’re so afraid of this that we pendulum to the other side, demanding emotionless leadership, especially during our most challenging moments.

I have always found wisdom in the middle way.  In Buddhism, the Middle Way takes on a few different iterations, but often refers the spiritual practice of finding a middle path between asceticism and indulgence.  When we find something isn’t working in our favor, we tend to try and erase it completely—replace it with it’s opposite.  When I see my clients doing this, I often say, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”  I mean, I say that weird, antiquated phrase a lot more than the average bear.  I’m trying to find some saying that fits better, or at least an option to switch it up sometimes, but the baby/bathwater phrase really seems to encompass what I’m going for.  There is wisdom in our tendencies.  When something isn’t working for us, we don’t need to throw it out and adopt it’s opposite, we need to keep the wisdom and find the middle way.   

When it comes to big emotions at work, we need to find the sacred middle way between falling all the way into our big feelings, and pretending we don’t have any feelings at all.  Your middle way may look like saying, “Wow, this grant application is huge and I’m already feeling overwhelmed and pretty freaked out.  Let’s talk about how we can make this feel workable and achievable for everyone.”  The fact that you are feeling overwhelmed and freaked out is important information. It colors how you’re viewing the challenge, and informs how to optimize your chances for success.  If you throw out emotion entirely, you throw out the wisdom that comes with it. What can I say--don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

More on how not to ‘fall all the way in’ to our big emotions in my next blog!  Stay tuned!